Saturday morning we left the house early to head to the airport. Since Scott had flown home already, this was Jed's and my first flight by ourselves. I was nervous, but glad that I had had a couple of practice flights with Scott just the week before - so I felt as prepared as I could be. When we got to the gate, I fed Jed his breakfast and let him play on the floor for a few minutes, while he had the freedom to do so.
After a short time, we get our boarding instructions. "If you look on your ticket, you will find your boarding assignment in the form of a letter and number combination. Please line up according to your boarding assignment, beginning with the 'A' group. Once the A group has boarded, those in the 'B' group are free to begin lining up, followed by the 'C' group. If you are traveling with children under 4 years old today, you are invited to board in the family boarding group, after the 'A' group," the gate attendant, named Laney, announces cheerily. I begin to pack up the toys and bottle, preparing to gate check the stroller and car seat and board the plane as efficiently as possible. As I pick up Jed, I can smell the oh-so-familiar odor of poop. My mind begins to race. I know I don't have time to go find a bathroom and change him, without definitely missing the family boarding (and since Southwest is choose-you-own seat, I wanted to board early to make sure I got a bulkhead seat - much more operating room, and close to the bathroom w/the changing table). But I don't want to wait to change him until we're on the plane - if I wait, I risk a leaky diaper. I look around, and spot a corner with a desk in it that I can hide behind. Perfect. I park the stroller strategically, and set about changing Jed's diaper. My heart sinks as I realize that the poop has already leaked out of the diaper and onto his onesie - this diaper change will be more involved than I had anticipated. But I don't panic - because of course I have a spare onesie and plastic grocery sacks in the diaper bag, so I get out what I need and begin to strip the baby down.
The Poop. Keeps. Going. The further up I peel Jed's onesie, the more poop I discover - to my dismay. I really hope that I have enough wipes in the travel pack! Though I do my best to carefully get the onesie over his head, I smear poop on his hair and arm anyway - not that it matters much at this point. By now Jed is standing, and I am gingerly holding him by one arm, trying to keep the poop from getting on anything else. Laney announces that group A may now board. "Oh, Jed," I say repeatedly, unsure of what else to say. "Oh, Jedidiah. Oh, dear little baby, my sweet sweet child. Oh, Jed." I am not sure what my next step should be, so I do what any thoughtful Mom would do, and pull out my iphone to document the moment. Scott had changed a pretty poopy diaper in Montana, but this took the cake. So of course I text him the following photo:
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| The picture I took of his outfit is WAY more disgusting, but I'll spare you the visual and instead let you imagine the grossness. |
After Super-Momming it up, I have Jed clean, the dirty diaper double-bagged and thrown away, the onesie double-bagged and put at the very bottom of the diaper bag, and we are ready to board. Just as we walk up to the gate, family boarding finishes and Laney calls for group B to begin boarding. I don't feel that it is worth yelling "WAIT!!! We are a family over here - I just had to change a very poopy diaper!!!" over the crowd of people lined up, so instead I make my way to the back of the group B line and patiently wait my turn. When we finally get on board (after being selected for a random ID check by a roaming TSA agent and watching 30 people go in front of me while I, carrying a child, pushing a stroller, flustered, and out-of-breath, dug in my purse for my ID - why did she have to pick ME?), we end up getting the last bulkhead seat available. So all is well.
My Super-Mom skills have been tested and tried, and I have emerged successful. If a little bit stinky.
I now feel like a Real Mom.
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